Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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