dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
