so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize