i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
