just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
