Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
