I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
