the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize