i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
