no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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