If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
