Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
