My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
