You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she woke up with a sticky ear
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
