you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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