I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
