I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
