the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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