no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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