Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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