Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
