she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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