dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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