Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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