Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
