whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
