in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
