p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
