it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
