Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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