Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
