You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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