Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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