You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need water and some morals
Randomize
