i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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