Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
