Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize