at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
