The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
