I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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