there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You're like the curious george of whores
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
