i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
