So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
