I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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