Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
