Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
