dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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