Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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