this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
