I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
