He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I will pee on everything he values.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
