Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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