Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
