he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
