WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
