I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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