I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
