This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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