your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I bet he comes in French.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
