I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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