giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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