Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
