last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Two words: blizzard sex
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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