i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
