Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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