how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
