I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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