he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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