she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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