3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
