if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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