i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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