Soap is not a condiment
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
