i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize