Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dicks are not precious.
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