dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the condom got lost in my hair
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
