I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
