Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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