What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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