Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
