I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he fucked my hip out of place.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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