if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
