The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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