over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just found puke in my bra..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
