You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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