Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
