yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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