He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
