By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
