I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
