id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
