be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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