Already got asked if we're dating
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
