I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
