ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
