would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I believe in your delicious
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