my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just invented taco cereal.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
