I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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