did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
