White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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