On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
