He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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