The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
