I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
