tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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