He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
