Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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