I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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