And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
