I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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