As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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