Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
