who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize