found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
