If i could tip my vagina, i would.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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