Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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